No more, there isn't time, I don't feel like it, I need to clean, I need to do this to the house, we need to mow the grass, etc. I have been making excuses way too long. And no more. I am coming first - I am getting rid of the rest of baby number 2 weight and getting back into running.
I ran tonight at the gym and it felt amazing (boy did I miss that feeling). I was scared - I'll admit it. Yes I ran a 1/2 marathon last October after having Andie - then a 5 miler around Thanksgiving and I think that was the last time I had ran.
So I was scared - I don't know why I convinced myself that I had forgotten how to run or wouldn't be able to run. I can still run - though I started out with couch to 5k on my iPhone - that somehow made me less scared. Though I knew I could run more then 60 seconds at a time, I felt like it would make me feel accomplished when I finished - and it did.
Now I know I did not lose my running ability - it was just left behind a little. But not any more. I know running will help me lose the weight, I know it will make me feel better and be happier and more energetic with my family. I know these things. Why has it taken me so long to get back into the groove?
I was putting everyone else first. Not saying NO - always saying yes. Always letting my husband run and train because I felt bad about leaving him with the girls while I was off at a photo shoot. I felt like he deserved the run, the time to train and exercise.
But why don't I?? I do. And I will. From now on, I will make time. I will get to bed earlier, and up earlier if I have to. I will make running dates with friends. I will go when it is dark - we moved to the country(ish) and there is a neighborhood with all dead ends behind our house that I could safely run in at night with a vest and headlamp (though I might eat a lot of bugs) I CAN do this. I am going to do this.
And I am coming back to this blog, I miss it and it helped me lose all of the weight and a few more after baby number 1 (who is now THREE!) and it will help me again.
This blog world is amazing - has allowed me to meet some amazing friends (in real life now too) and has always provided me with tons of inspiration and I need it more now then ever.
So I'm back. On track. No more pity. No more not wanting to be in photos with my babies, no more feeling sorry for myself when it was me who did this in the first place. I'm done being second. First here I come.