What to do, what to do...
Ok, so I am working like crazy to make some extra money for Jimmy and I for every day living as well as for our trip. Since Jimmy quit his full time job he has been working his butt off at the gym and the bar to make money too. But all of this working is doing nothing but making us both incredibly exhausted and it stinks. I can't wait until Jimmy's job finally comes through at my work and we can work together (well not really, but in the same building) and see each other more and both not have to work as much, since he will then be getting full time pay. I can't tell you how much I can't wait for the day that this job comes through...until then, 50+ hours a week it is for me, until we leave for Belize in 13 days!
So I have been slacking in the "take care of me" department since I had been away for those 2 weeks for work. I need to get my butt back in gear and start taking better care of myself, eating better, getting more regular sleep and exercise. I am running a 10k on Sunday with some people from work and Jimmy and I am so afraid that I will be coming in last place out of all of us...and some of the people we are running with are 50+ years old. I really hope I don't come in last...but with the eating I have been doing recently. I am so mad at myself for letting go. I just didn't seem to care what I did there for a while.
It is just hard, so hard. I want to get to get in better shape, not only for me, but for the future of our family so when Jimmy and I start trying to have kids, I am in good shape for the baby. This should be the ultimate motivation...but it hasn't worked, which makes me feel even worse because myself, my future baby and my husband all deserve to have me in the best shape possible for what life brings our way. Jimmy has lost over 50lbs and looks and feels amazing. When I see him look in the mirror with his shirt off and love what he sees...as do I of him. I just hate looking in the mirror, when I am dressed, when I am getting ready to get in the shower...all the time. And I know if I can just buckle down and do this, I will like what I see. Like I did when I was doing body for life...then work travel came along and then working tons of hours came a long and by the time I am done working all I want to do is come home, see Jimmy and the doggies, eat dinner and go to bed, just to get up and do it all over again. Life is no good this way.
I need to make a change...but I don't know where to start, I feel so overwhelmed. I think, "I'll be like Jeannie and post what I eat every day" showing everyone else what I am eating will make me be better...that sounds good to me. But then I think, I can do that for the next 13 days and then Jimmy and I leave for our "real" honeymoon and I won't be counting points or watching what I eat as much since they won't have as many choices. So then it goes out the window again. Though we are going to do a lot of workout type activity on our trip...but still. So then I say I can workout every day until then and that will help, but when I am getting up and going to work at 5:30am and then not getting home until about 8pm, going to the gym till 9 or so on my way home isn't what I want to do, because then I get home at 10 and need to eat dinner and then I'd have to go right to bed. And if I were to come home from work and then eat and leave to go to the gym, I'd never make it in time, because it closes at 10pm and I like to workout for at least an hour either lifting or cardio.
I just really need this job to come through for Jimmy so I don't have to work so much and he won't have to work so much and we can go right after work to the gym. Life will be so much better. The quality of life would be great. It has been 5 1/2 months since his clearance has been in the limbo state...it needs to be transferred before he can start working. This is just all wearing on me...
Everything happens for a reason they say...I just like to know what the reason for this is? For us to appreciate the little bit of time we have together? For us to become better at budgeting our money? For us to live through challenges before we start a family? What? All I know is that what ever it is, I am done with it and ready to move on. I have learned from it...so let's go and get on to where the living is good.
Sorry for venting, but if any of you have any words of advice, or can think of anything that I can do to get my motivation back...please share.
Until tomorrow...
Adios :)
3 hours ago
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4 comments:
wow, you need to take a deep, deep breath. Think of one thing to change today. Just one. And do that. You'll feel good. Tomorrow you'll wake up wanting to do it again, or pick something different. You're in a tough spot, cause there are only so many hours in a day. Perhaps if you took a 10 minute break at work, and then 10 minutes when you get home. Walk around, do some floor exercises, stretch. Give your head a break from the stress. Then you'd have done 20 minutes of exercise in the day. I know it sounds corny, but.....do your thing for 13 days till Belize (how awesome will that be), but while you're there - take advantage of all the fresh fruit that will come your way, and fresh veggies. If you can't choose something "healthy" then don't eat the whole portion. During my two weeks in Mexico, I only ever ate off a side plate, so that I wouldn't be tempted to take too much. Perhaps taking a snack to work with you for the evenings would help you. Hang in there.....
Just because youre going to Belize in 13 days (did I mention how jealous I am!! I LOVE BELIZE!), doesnt mean that you cant bust your ass for those 13 days that youre still here! If it goes out the window a little when you get there thats ok! But I think you'll be much more likely to keep things under control while youre away if you really work hard and focus on eating well before you leave!
You CAN do this :) And you will! We all have our slip ups. And moments of lacking motivation. Dont beat yourself up, just take baby steps and get back into the swing of things!
I totally agree with everyone. Take a few deep breaths and relax. I too have been very overwhelmed lately that I have "let myself go". Try not to put too much pressure on yourself and start enjoying the little things again. You can do it! You've been a big inspiration to me.
On another note, I cannot believe you are going to Belize. I am sooooo jealous. I just spent a week an a half there in Jan. and fell in love with it. Drink a Belikin (Belize Beer) for me and enjoy yourself!!!
Sorry to hear you are having such a rough time.
You seem to have your back against the wall and busy busy all the time.
I believe that some things are sent to test us and even though we can't see the light at the end of the tunnel we have to strive to get there.
Am praying the job comes through for Jimmy and the pressure will lift a bit from you. Jimmy seems to putting in the effort which is great.
You need to sit down each evening together and spend some quiet time together just talking about your day or listening to music or just cuddling up - this is the best therapy for stress! Maybe have a nice relaxing bath together when you get in surrounded by candles to relax you both.
What better motivation could you have than getting your body healthy and prepared for a baby. I wish you luck when the time comes.
Looking at your pic you look wonderful and am sure you do not need to lose very much weight - I wish I could have your figure!
Maybe you could walk at lunchtime - not only would you be fitting your exercise in but also getting some fresh air and clearing your head ready for the afternoon at work - just a thought!
I hope everything works out for you and sorry I couldn't be much help but hang in there - tomorrow is a new day.
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